The first thing to do when trying to re-enter the workforce is to face your resistance to it. Facing your resistance first will open your mind to different types of jobs that you may not have previously considered. But this seemingly simple act can prove more challenging than it would seem.
I left the “traditional” workforce vowing never to return when I ventured off to pursue my passions. Five years later, after my dreams hadn’t worked out, I found myself needing to get a 9-5 job again. I’d previously held “director” titles in the healthcare field but found it difficult to find those same types of jobs; the ones I did find yielded few, if any interviews (and no offers).
I thought browsing Indeed and LinkedIn would drum up plenty of job opportunities, but that didn’t happen. I didn’t find much locally and wasn’t interested in looking in other cities or states. The truth is, I was half-hearted in my search and didn’t want to put in much work. Bringing myself back to the workforce, let alone thinking about having to put in effort to find a job was daunting. I was resisting re-entering the workforce.
Listen to What Your Resistance Is Telling You
My resistance told me I should easily be able to find a job because I was an experienced professional and deserving of one equal to what I had before. It also told me that life owed me something, especially after taking big risks to follow my passions and having them not work out. I thought a reward was due for the hard work I’d put in pursuing my passions. I didn’t feel I should have to start over again, let alone work hard at it.
Resistance Lessens When You Work With It
I didn’t like my thoughts because they were negative, bitter and entitled. I wanted them to go away but they wouldn’t. Finally, I took a different tack. Instead of being at war with my resistance, I made a truce. I started listening to the thoughts my resistance was telling me instead of pushing them away. By doing this I learned a valuable secret. Resistance lessens when you work with it. It wants to be heard. Not just to complain, but to communicate something deeper to you. Essentially, resistance is trying to help you move forward by unearthing your true feelings.
Resistance Points the Way to Your True Feelings
I discovered that I was mistaken in thinking resistance was just about my bitterness. Resistance’s purpose is to point the way towards our feelings, so we can acknowledge and feel them, and move on. By listening to my resistance, and not rejecting it, a path cleared toward the feelings driving my resistance. I needed to get through my feelings so I could be free, have a clear mind and open attitude to do a job search. But getting through feelings can be hard.
Feeling Your Feelings of Shame
But first I had to work through my feelings. Looking at feelings and feeling them are two different things. Feeling them is more difficult than looking. It means facing reality, which is something I often try to escape. When I looked at my feelings I felt disappointment, disillusionment, betrayal, anger…I could go on. In short, I felt pain. The pain I felt was the reality that I had tried following passions and they didn’t work out (how I’d hoped). But there was another feeling below the pain. It was shame. I felt ashamed for having sacrificed so much to pursue my passions and having them fail. Reality seemed to be telling me two things: That it was the end-of-the-road on pursuing my passions and that I had to re-enter the workforce. This was terrifying.
Feeling Your Feelings of Fear
The other feeling I had to confront was fear. It’s shame’s close chum. I felt fearful about starting over again. I was afraid to ask former supervisors to be a professional reference. I was scared (and ashamed) of explaining that my passions didn’t pan out and I needed their help. What if they’d say “No” to me? I was fearful about explaining the employment gap (I call it a “career break” on my resume) to people who probably wouldn’t get it, should I get an interview. I was afraid an interviewer would think I wouldn’t be truly committed to the job and quit shortly after being hired. At a deeper level, I was afraid that my belief in following passions led to vocational and financial bliss was not true. I was afraid of letting go of that belief. I had used that belief as a means to help me deal with my anxiety that was lurking under the surface. I was always ‘jonesing” for the next plan to alleviate my anxiety.
Let Go of Your Pride and Dive In
I had to recognize and consider that all that I believed was no longer serving me and that maybe it had even painted me into a corner. Recognizing (“acceptance” comes later) the shame and fear surrounding my beliefs is a core layer of resistance. I had to acknowledge how I felt which was pretty low.
Feeling my feelings wasn’t a clean, simple, one-time experience. I slowly dragged myself through the muck of mixed feelings, and sorrow. In feelings of despair, I discovered that some of my previous jobs weren’t necessarily what I would want to do again. This awakening had a freeing effect. I started to feel more liberated with respect to how I might take nuggets of my previous roles and redefine myself professionally.
The Gift of Resistance
Through the arduous process of facing my resistance, listening to it, and feeling my feelings, the log jam broke. I returned to Indeed and LinkedIn feeling a sense of hopefulness because I was no longer limiting or defining myself by past jobs. My mind opened to considering employers and employment options that I’d previously not thought of or outright rejected.
Resistance at first site seems like an obstacle, but it’s actually an ally. We just have to get to know it, so we can know ourselves, grow and move on.
