When I’m in emotional overload, nothing seems to make sense. My emotions come on like a storm and overwhelm me. And although I try to do self-care (journaling, going for a walk, getting to bed early) it doesn’t always seem to work.
I experience emotional overload as intense feelings of panic. I feel trapped, boxed in, no escape nor alternatives, and no one to help me. I feel like I’m drowning. I find slogans and pep talk little help. I want the feelings to go away. I want immediate relief.
Recently, my boss put me on a project that involved attending a month’s worth of training on statistical analysis. My heart and soul were not in it. My mental and emotional reserves were not there to take it on. My feelings of dread surrounding the project were compounded by the fact that I’d tried to find another job without luck. I felt overwhelmed. The first week of training pushed me into emotional overload.
After feeling strung-out for the first three days afterward, it dawned on me that everything I do to make my feelings go away is making me feel worse.
I discovered that I have an expectation that all my feelings need to be eliminated; when I’m unsuccessful at doing that, I feel more panic, which makes me think that there’s something wrong with me. This becomes a downward spiral.
I’ve searched for and had life-long expectations that there’s some “thing” out there that will bring me relief from these emotional storms and that I just haven’t found it yet.
However, lately I’ve finally come to the realization that the only way for me to deal with emotional overload (aside from trying everything), is to ride it out. To not try and make it go away.
I allowed myself to feel miserable about my work situation. I didn’t try to fight my emotions. I also determined that I needed to tell my boss exactly how I felt about the project he assigned to me.
I’ve discovered that underneath being emotionally overwhelmed is fear. I traced down the root cause of my fear (and I suspect there are more than one) and found powerlessness.
If I’m not in control, I become emotionally overwhelmed.
I hate not being in control or at least feeling like I’m in control. The reality is that my suffering caused by fears that come with my emotional storms is often from struggling to control something that I cannot.
Doing this allowed me to discover the root cause of feeling emotionally overwhelmed is powerlessness.
If I’m not in control, I become emotionally overwhelmed. I hate feeling powerlessness. Being in control or at least feeling like I’m in control makes me feel safe. The reality is understanding that my suffering that comes with my emotional storms is often from struggling to control something I that cannot.
If I go another level deeper to discover the root cause of my feeling powerlessness, I discover abandonment and neglect from my childhood. In a word, trauma.
There is not a quick fix to deal with our emotional pain and the trauma that underpins it, other than to acknowledge it, feel it and allow it to be (and reaching out to trusted friends who will listen is part of the solution too).
Don’t resist. Don’t fight the emotional storm. Recognize if you’re trying to control an uncontrollable situation. Do you what you can to take care of yourself.
The emotional storms pass but it’s not easy. We are supposed to have feelings and feel them. Feelings are normal. You are normal. Breathe, trust, do the best you can in the midst of overwhelming feelings. You are not alone. There are many others who feel just like you. I’m one of them.
