After trying to get my way in pursuit of my passion, well for that matter, in just about everything, I have been thinking about Al-Anon’s third step. It says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Surrendering our will has everything to do with being present to peace that’s right in front of us.
I try and push my will into just about every area of my life, which makes this a big step. Consequently “surrendering my will” means not being in control.
To me that means being weak, vulnerable and powerless–just bobbing along on the vagaries of life (which doesn’t seem productive!) and being victimized by what comes my way (not fun!).
But what if there is something to the concept of surrendering my will to bring me peace?
I wonder, if instead of thinking about all I want (will) to accomplish today, I could just show up, hit my marks and not push my agenda?
Could I also surrender my life too? That would mean not being overly focused on looking for a new job, plan, or boyfriend. Or not being consumed with thoughts of feeling fat if I don’t go to the gym. Better yet, I might not get sucked into staring at my online bank and retirement accounts and worrying that I need to improve them. (Accumulation! Future security!)
What if I could imagine all the things that preoccupy me and call for my attention could be surrendered in God’s (Life’s) hands? My defeats, wounds and personal short- comings too. What if I could turn over my critical, judgmental thoughts about how my life has turned out? My critical, judgmental thoughts I have towards others too?
Since the goal is peace, can we surrender our will that wants to make sense of it all — of who we are, what we’ve done, where we’ve been? Can we just let it be for a few moments? Can we not be in “control” and have it not mean that we’re lazy, worthless, unfocused, unambitious, un-valuable, or directionless? What would that be like?
What if everything, I mean everything, the mess that you may think your life is, is already in God’s hands? And what if this notion of “my will” is an illusion–that most things aren’t really in our control, we just believed they were.
Let’s practice not trying so hard and obsessing so much. Instead, pay attention to and be present to what’s in front of us, in its unfinishedness, just as it is.
Let go and surrender a piece of your will and open to peace today.
