If you’re like me, you may wake up some mornings with a sense of clarity from a decent night’s sleep. But then your brain starts trying to make sense of where you are today and how your life turned out. The good news is, we do not have make sense of where on your journey you are today.
This tendency to ruminate is a common pattern for me and typically strikes while I’m out on a walk. My thoughts go something like, “Here I am again, walking, alone, like I have for most of my life. The passions I followed seemed so right, yet, here I am starting over, again. No longer pursuing a passion or future plan. Now, just in survival mode.”
My whole thought process can be a warped song. I know the lyrics by heart because I wrote them. The tune is catchy as it sings about my past choices.
It makes me think that if I listen to it one more time I’ll discover my big mistake…why my passion failed (or didn’t find the love of my life). This activity is repetitive and unhelpful.
The truth of the matter is that trying to make sense of our lives isn’t always fruitful.
We’ve experienced plenty of challenges and hardships in our lives. They are confusing and don’t make sense no matter how many times you’ve counseled, prayed or shared them with friends.
The search for answers can be elusive yet addicting. And even when you get answers, they don’t necessarily alleviate the unsatisfied feelings you have in this present moment.
So, can I just say, that it doesn’t make sense? That my current circumstances, in this present moment, don’t make sense? Can I accept that sometimes things don’t seem to “come together” in some divine way? If we can accept that we can’t make sense of it, perhaps we’ll get some relief from the tired song we get stuck on.
On my walk today, I was thinking about how easy it is to play the same old tune. Then a thought occurred to me. That maybe I’m trying to be my own god (small “g”). By trying to figure out my life, path, direction (past, present and future)–not to mention everyone else’s too.
So today I wonder, if we can learn a new song. One that talks about things being okay just as they are. Free of our values and judgments about where we are at today. Can we practice letting go of wanting to understand and control it all?
Maybe it doesn’t make sense or even have to. All is perfectly okay as it is.
