Overcoming Loss & Defeat

A Simple Way to Challenge Self-Defeating Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking about your present circumstances and judging them as not being good and before you know it, your anxiety kicks into action? This short article shares a simple way to challenge self-defeating thoughts.

My anxiety tends to manifest itself in two ways:  It either worriedly looks for something that is a seemingly minor preoccupation and magnifies it into a problem that then needs to be solved, right now.  Or, it searches for some new plan, goal or passion to fulfill, right now.  My mind can go into full autopilot on both simultaneously, if I let it.  

My anxiety-reaction is an old well-worn pattern. It roams the attic of my mind searching for new things to focus on.  Which invariably leads to my thoughts telling me that my present circumstances are unfair (and that I’m a victim of life!). Followed by feelings of fear and dread. 

It’s my brain’s habit and it’s a hard one to break, but not impossible. 

If you find yourself in the river rapids of anxiety’s current of self-defeating, panicky thoughts, it’s not too late to get to shore.  

When your mind is in it’s full negative-feedback-loop frenzy you are being robbed of the moment.   This moment now may be a day in which you happen to have off from work.  A beautiful day with cool temps and partly cloudy skies.  Instead of enjoying “what is,” the cycle of “what isn’t,” or “may not ever be,” is in full cycle.  Is there a way to salvage this moment?  

Yes!

Ask yourself: “Can I…

  • Be okay with my anxiety and do what it’s feverishly telling me to do?”
  • Get a little space from these thoughts and be okay with not having a plan, a bright idea, a ‘fix’ to get me through this moment?”
  • Be okay without trying to put it all together?” Or having to have it all fit together?”
  • Allow things to be in bits, pieces, and fragments for this moment?”
  • Be okay without focusing on my problems or starting a new project?”
  • Look at the unfinished business, lack of a plan, job, love interest…(fill in the blank) and leave it be for now?”

What if you could just let your anxious, worried thoughts about how everything seems fallen apart be in their fallen-apart state for a little bit?  Nobody’s forcing you to put it back together, let alone solve why things are the way they are.

This is about getting comfortable with not having to fix yourself or things.   Not about forcing pieces together so that it all makes sense.  That’s what your ego/anxious thought-cycle wants. But this isn’t about your ego. 

This is about you becoming more of who you really are beyond your passions and dreams.

The truth of the matter is that everything is okay in this moment. Stay with this moment however small, fleeting or difficult it may be. 

Although your present circumstances may not be perfect, my frequently aren’t, but somewhere in this tiny present moment right now, all is well.  

When Passions Don't Work Out - Rick Youngblood

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