Remembering that things do indeed sometimes work out for me, even when I’m in the middle of loss and defeat, begins with doing the most simple every day tasks of living.
Anthony made me promise to write down yesterday’s good news and call it a “win.” It’ll serve as a reminder when I get into negative head-space.
Remember that good things do happen to us and that our circumstances don’t always bring bad luck is critical to overcoming defeat. The thing is, if this is a win, why doesn’t it feel like it?
Why am I still anxious, fearful and sad?
If you’re like me, maybe your faith has been shattered. Your confidence too. Maybe they’ve been shattered before and here you are again, amid new wreckage. You may find yourself wondering what went wrong and how this could be, as you struggle to make sense of it. This isn’t where you expected to be-again.
How does one keep moving forward when there are setbacks? And more setbacks? Especially when, if you’re like me, you have a hard time seeing the wins that are there even in the midst of defeats.
Loss and defeat from failed passions left me mentally, emotionally, professionally, spiritually, and financially -naked, raw and disillusioned. The fear and vulnerability I felt after pursuing my passions and having them not work out was crushing. During those times, having someone tell you to “move on” is not the consolation we need.
Sometimes you just need to sit with it all and surrender (acceptance comes later) little bits and pieces of your feelings and begin looking for the small positives (wins) that are right in front of you.
After expecting the pursuit of my passions to yield a big win, the idea of looking for “wins” after my defeat wasn’t easy. I had to re-define what I considered as wins in a much simpler way.
In the moments, minutes, hours, days and weeks following my latest defeat, I realized that my wins came in the form of the ordinary, everyday things I did during the day. Those things involved taking care of my most basic needs: Getting out of bed, showering, laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling, crying, journaling, eating cereal, washing dishes, laying on the floor again, doing laundry, napping, reading, talking with a trusted friend, and so on.
These, my friend, are the wins right in front of us. They may seem ordinary, mundane and boring but they are important acts. They are important because you are nurturing yourself. This is called healing. Your self-care activities, and I’m not necessarily talking about going to the gym, yoga or spin class (which are all good things!), are wins.
The ordinary and basic tasks we do in life, the things we discount and hurry to get through in order to get to seemingly more important things, are the wins, and are what matters. Returning to the basics, ironically, and counting them as wins, becomes the first act of moving on after defeat.
